January 2017
So much change …. My inner control freak is fighting to come out and I seriously just want to get out of the way and release any and all control! I think I am doing ok and then there is another change, another revelation, another something completely and totally unexpected.
I am a very structured and routine driven person and have resisted change for my whole life. God wants me to learn new levels of flexibility and adaptability – and I thought I had come so far …. Adjusting our schedule for Thad’s daily rehab was hard. It feels exhausting to need to make sure I am up and ready for the day let alone needing to help another person with self care and basic needs. If I am running late, I can rely on dry shampoo, extra deodorant or even skip a meal – but I can’t skip someone else’s meals.
I didn’t realize how ingrained my habits were until there wasn’t time for them. Normal went out the window almost 3 months ago and I am still trying to figure out how to take care of things. I want what I want when I want it …. I want to get rid of the unnecessary to-do lists and focus on what is important. And honestly, I have kicked into some sort of numbed out survival mode, I don’t know that I can tell you want is really important other than loving God and loving others ~ recapture my servant’s heart. I guess that is my starting point.
God – help me to let go of all that I am trying to do … remind me of what is important. Help me to feel again. Help me to love others well. Show me the priorities in life so that the important stuff gets my time and attention. Help me make sure that those I love know they are important to me.
Romans 12:9
Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them.
