It is somewhat weird figuring how to say what I am feeling when it comes to celebrating 22 years of marriage to Thad. The past couple of decades has been quite a roller coaster of highs, lows, twists and turns. Though nothing can ever prepare you for the challenges that come with a brain injury.
Before taking Thad to neuro rehab today, we were talking about the goodness and greatness of God and His sovereign fingerprints all over our relationship from even before there was an “us”. I started to share a favorite memory and that blank look came over Thad’s face – the “I don’t remember” look …
A brain injury isn’t picky about the memories it takes or the memories it leaves behind; the skills that are remembered intermittently; the words that either can’t be formed or just can’t be spoken. There isn’t a timeline to follow and fully healed/fully recovered most often doesn’t resemble back to normal.
Thad looks like a very scruffy grizzly mountain man version of himself with really cool shades – there isn’t a visual or evident injury except for a slight scar on the front of his left ankle to say that anything even happened. In public, we get odd looks when I take the walker out of the car for him or or when I need to read something to him that he can’t make out. Short and light conversations you can’t tell anything is different – and then a question is asked or certain letters start the word that he wants to say or there are multiple people involved and he can’t keep up …. a new version of reality.
Different though not bad. My husband is alive. My husband remembers me. My husband is grateful. My husband is working hard to get better. My husband wants to get physically better to get rid of the walker, to drive, to ride his bike, to help. My husband loves me and I love him. I thank God for keeping my husband alive on October 12th and every day since. I have absolutely no clue what our future holds for us but God does and that is the biggest thing to celebrate. God has a plan, its perfect, he loves us and that is way more than enough!
