Change is always a process! When we start to think about changing something, we tend to mull things over and plan it out and then begin implementing the steps. Sometimes we may drag our feet through the process and others we jump in excited with both feet.
Then there is the shocking, often traumatic, change brought on by an instantaneous unexpected event. It takes our mind, our routines and our daily living a little time to catch up with our human need to understand.
I am a very structured and routine kind of girl. I like a solid framework that I can swing on and if that shifts, it can take me a while to catch up. I think that was my first year or so following Thad’s accident. It turned my world inside out and upside down and I could barely remember that I was supposed to breathe.
I became mechanical as I was the only one to take care of all the paperwork for car insurance, health insurance, his disability stuff through work, and everything related to our home. All of these things needed to be done, but my top priority was to take care of Thad! I was so freaked out that it felt like all I could do was sit and stare at him. Was he ok? Was he breathing? Would I hear him if he needed me? Was he going to have another seizure? Would he have another nightmare? I wanted to be right there for anything! I was smacked with precious fragility of human life! I was so grateful I was buried under paperwork instead of needing to bury him even though I went from having a partner that leads me to a 6′ tall 200 lb infant. He needed medicine around the clock and was unable to do anything for himself – walk, talk, bathe, eat … To say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement.
Reflecting back over the last year and a half, God has refined me in ways I could never have imagined wanting or needing. Yet I stand firm and say I am grateful. There is nothing about this season that was easy – the need to deal with the grief and loss is a very real thing.
I am grateful that He always knows what is best for me. He knows the plans He alone had for me before He laid the foundation of the earth. He knows what He wants for me and He will guide me if I let Him. Over the next few weeks, I will share with you the ABCs God taught me as Thad was relearning his.
Thank God! He deserves your thanks.
His love never quits.
Thank the God of all gods,
His love never quits.
Thank the Lord of all lords.
His love never quits.
Thank the miracle-working God,
His love never quits.
The God whose skill formed the cosmos,
His love never quits.
The God who laid out earth on ocean foundations,
His love never quits.
The God who filled the skies with light,
His love never quits.
The sun to watch over the day,
His love never quits.
Moon and stars as guardians of the night,
His love never quits.God remembered us when we were down,
His love never quits.
Rescued us from the trampling boot,
His love never quits.
Takes care of everyone in time of need.
His love never quits.
Thank God, who did it all!
His love never quits!Psalm 136: 1-9, 23-26
