Often when I journal, I end up with imagery in my head. I had one recurring image – I am running towards Jesus but I can only go so far and then these ropes jerk me to a halt well before I reach His embrace. That is what today is all about.
Forget the past.
The ropes that tied me up and thwarted my progress is all of my past yuck – my sins as well as the sins that were committed against me. They held me back and created a separation between me and my Savior.
This is not easy …. and forgetting is the very last step in the process. In Wounds That Heal, Stephen Seamands guides you steps to acknowledge the past, deal with the present and choose your behavior for the future. It has helped me process through decades of sin and dysfunction.
You start by acknowledging the hurts in your life – the hard core reality, he uses the term “ruthless honesty.” What is the truth? Where do I blame? Where do I make excuses? You accept responsibility for your wrongs and you place responsiblity appropriately. This is not an opportunity to bash – it is the chance to sort out your mess and get clear on what you are truly responsible for.
Next you have to feel the feelings. I didn’t like this part very much because unlocking the door to my feelings was an all or nothing proposition. I couldn’t feel only “good” feelings; I would feel both the pleasant and the unpleasant … I had to move my wounds from my head down into my heart and feel what I had hidden away for so long.
Confronting the hate, anger, disgust, and every other unpleasant “angry” emotion that I felt towards those that hurt me was scary. I was a master at accepting responsibility for everyone else’s actions and in this step I had to give responsibility back to the person that hurt me. For me, this meant giving up the phrase “If I had done _________ better than he/she wouldn’t have ________.” There was a lot of wrestling through on this one.
I rebelled against the next couple steps for quite a while. I lean towards very black and white right or wrong thinking. My legalism removed the human factor. I had to dig into what Jesus did on the cross to get unstuck, unstubborn and unbound by the past.
Anger is what I call a shell emotion. It is the hard shell that separated me from present reality and all the hurts that I had been stockpiling. Once I acknowledged wrong, there was the weight of pain. I had to feel the deep soul crushing hurt. When there is sin there is pain. When we forgive, we bear the pain of someone’s sin against us knowing that there is probably nothing they can do to “make it up” to us. Jesus on the cross is the ultimate example of bearing the pain of someone else’s sin, including mine.
In bearing the pain, I had to choose to place my offenders at the foot of the cross. I had to release my vengeful, backwards justice and say “God – you are the only one to judge this person. I give this offense to you.” This is the ultimate in relinquishing control … In forgiving, I act on faith alone and ask God to back fill the part of me that has been hurting with his love and tender mercy. This is the ultimate attitude adjustment in my heart. Please know, forgiveness does not in any way change the lawful consequences of the other persons actions. Promoting justice may be part of the process.
Now that I have let my offenders off of my hook, its time to take responsibility for me. I no longer have someone to blame for my misbehavior – I give up the right to live with the victim mentality. I am responsible for my actions and I get to define who I am. I can now figure out who I am without the pain, blame and resentment of past hurts. Talk about scary!!! So many people stop here and miss out on the life God truly wants us to have. At this moment, we choose to lead with victory of His healing instead of being defined by our wounds.
The final steps bring closure … how to I engage in a relationship with those who have hurt me? And no, it isn’t always appropriate – but most of the time, we are talking about hurts between friends. When working through the hurts we have caused each other, we are given the opportunity to be closer than we ever thought imaginable. You will bring the lessons forward but leave the guilt and negativity behind! You will no longer be bound by your past and you can run freely into the waiting arms of Jesus.
I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. ~Philippians 3:12-14
